Key To Music Grades

A - You will never be whole without it
B - Highly recommended
C - Flawed, but still pretty good
D - It's your money, not mine
F - Why couldn't this have been burned in Fahrenheit 451?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Mars Volta - Octahedron (2009)

I apologize well in advance if this review resembles something I would spew in my Two Minutes Hate, but I've never been one to pull back on my punches, and I don't intend on doing so here. This album fucking sucks. (You can stop reading here if that's all you require.) If Bedlam In Goliath was considered their loudest and most bombastic, this album is their most quiet -- quiet as in I could take a fucking snooze, from stem to sternum, in Lake Baikal, Russia and this would not stir me from my peaceful sleep. Anyone take Ambien? After this album, I know by not knowing, in an approximate sort of way. To say that the album is terrible, really, isn't exactly fair, though -- it simply evokes nothing. It's drib drab dribber drubber drowl, a pocket of dark matter in the expanding nothingness we call our universe, worthy of not even the margin of space it now occupies in my small apartment. Oh, and the lyrics -- БОЖЕ МОЙ - the lyrics for these guys have always been -- how do I say it succinctly -- stupid, with two o's. Swathed amidst the innumerable layers of sound on their previous albums, it was harder to notice just how fucking juvenile and 7th grade the lyrics were, but now I am convinced that Cedric thinks he is a fucking warlock. Good luck to him. Personally, I always wanted to be a samurai, but that cuirass looks way too heavy for me and besides, can you imagine me with a sword? Hack hack hack. So have at it Volta fans. Eat this nu-progadelic like fistfuls of sloppy wet shit at a carnival cookout contest. Everyone else, give thanks that it ends quicker than anything else they've released. F


Starrlight said...

I wasn't impressed with this one either although my local alterna-station loves it. It is kinda limp.

Master Cianan said...


The Mad Hatter said...


This is uber-limp. Love that word.

Master Cianan,

I wish I had more time, I would fidgefuzzle and fucknuzzle an extraordinary string of super shit albums.

terrence said...

This album seems to cement the fact that The Mars Volta is on a downward spiral. This Album chugs ass-cock and the past few havent been much better. One would hope that a band with such talent would be able to go back to the early days, the all or nothing days, when concentrating on the music mattered instead of forcing every piece of musical dribble they create onto the market. muh... losing much faith I am. Hell, I've been forced to change my handle because i'm worried about showing any likeness to this once solid band turned into a smelting pot of manure.