Key To Music Grades

A - You will never be whole without it
B - Highly recommended
C - Flawed, but still pretty good
D - It's your money, not mine
F - Why couldn't this have been burned in Fahrenheit 451?

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Aerosmith - Aerosmith (1973)

What astounds me is that Aerosmith could create such a stale album and yet somehow cull "Dream On" from the same polluted pool of mediocrity. Granted, they would go on to become one of America's greatest pioneering bands of that lifeless rock sound that currently permeates FM radio and is championed by fucking idiots. Yes, and if you take offense to that, you're a fucking idiot. Most likely you know every Zeppelin, Eagles and Eric Clapton song that is played on the radio by heart -- the last hobo of which your idolatry should have you immediately extracted from the gene pool -- yet you couldn't distinguish a barre chord from the fucking Batmobile and you incessantly violate human decency by asking me to keep playing "Stairway" as if my ear was a fucking coin slot. Either that, or you'll try to convince me that Limp Bizkit really did write "Behind Blue Eyes." So here's to you assholes who help to engender the continued mediocrity in music by not delving into the bands that matter, by being spoon-fed rock pabulum via whatever the fuck you know how to turn on and by being altogether boring company at barbecues. Here's to your glorious Aerosmith, a bluesy wankfest of an album honed to perfection by Mssr. Joseph Perry, elder statesmen of the ho-hum. Here's to Steven Tyler, who showed the world that it could handle more than one big-lipped cock-rocking sex symbol. And here's to "One Way Street," a shit riff built on a tired blues scale; to "Make It" for not sustaining my attention for more than thirty seconds; to "Somebody" and "Write Me" and all those other songs not named "Dream On" and "Mama Kin" that sound exactly the same. 1973, if you do your research, was positively screaming with brilliant albums. How this one stuck around is beyond me. A D is being really nice, but "Dream On" truly is wonderful.


bob_vinyl said...

I'm not a big Aerosmith fan muyself, but I think you disregard their one big contribution: when they were on, they could swing. No other band before them brought that sense of swing to rock n roll. While I don't often find myself in the mood for much other than a few standout tracks, I at least appreciate the swing.

The Mad Hatter said...

Very true. I think in the periodic collection of good songs throughout the 70s you could definitely say that. Not so much once they returned via Run DMC; if such swing existed, I was too distracted by the fact that they sucked royally.

bob_vinyl said...

Ahh, but "The Other Side" from Pump swings like mad. Damn, it's like Duke Ellington, only stupid.

The RIpple Effect said...

Gotta say,l I think Aerosmith is one of the most over-rated bands in rock history. They made one great album (Rocks) one good album (Toys in the Attic) a bunch of mediocre ones and a shitload of terrible ones. Nothing they've recorded since Rocks (with the exception of a few songs on Draw the Line) are even listenable, and they brought in that over-produced, generic soundtrack rock that now fills the world.

Plus, they're the worst live band I've ever seen (twice) and don't even get me started on their live album (Bootleg) or their great contribution to rock and roll cinema (Sgt Pepper).

So, I thought your review was spot on.

The Ripple Effect

The Mad Hatter said...

We're almost completely in agreement. I do think Rocks is their best, but I only half-heartedly like it. Aerosmith is one of those bands I think of whose overexposure made it impossible for superior bands like Budgie to come up and get their much deserved air. And that's what makes me more hateful towards them than anything else.

bob_vinyl said...

I gotta agree about Bootleg. That's one sorry excuse for a live album.

Todd D. Severin said...


Now we're talking!

taotechuck said...

Aerosmith is much like the Stones: you can get everything you need (and then some) with a $15 iTunes gift card. (You might have to bump it up to $25 for the Stones. Maybe not, though.) Definitely not one of the greats, even though many classify them that way. (Of course, those are the same people who call Boston one of the greats. 'Nuff said.)

I saw Aerosmith on the "Half the band is gone and we're too strung out to remember the words to our songs" tour. I never really forgave them for that. When I finally gave in and watched the MTV Unplugged performance, I had to admit they were pretty good, but they were still dead to me. Dead, I tell you. Dead.

Their post strung-out albums are just as rotten as Def Leppard's Hysteria.

Hey, there's one you haven't reviewed yet.