Key To Music Grades

A - You will never be whole without it
B - Highly recommended
C - Flawed, but still pretty good
D - It's your money, not mine
F - Why couldn't this have been burned in Fahrenheit 451?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Mad Hatter All-Star Band

Out of ennui springs life; such was, my veritable friends, my resolve at work today, where I pondered many an egg hatchling of pink hues in my sheer and utterly perplexing boredom. Twinkies. Borges. Crying little children. Pure desideratum. I was the shadow of the waxwing slain by the false azure of the windowpane. So here's my All-Star band -- not whom I feel to be the greatest at each instrument, but who I believe would work together most splendidly to create the music I in very much particular would like to hear. Feel free to provide your own bands and suggestions. I figured the more instruments I included, the more cumbersome this would become. Less is more, more or less; moreover, why waste more for less, Baroness?

Jimi Hendrix - Lead Guitar
Robert Fripp - Rhythm Guitar, Mellotron, Soundscapes
Geddy Lee - Bass, Keyboards
Stewart Copeland - Drums, Cans, Barrels
Thom Yorke - Vocals, Piano, Macintosh Computer

And just in case you've been reading this blog and haven't figured out that I'm fucking crazy, here is what some of my All-Star band's studio chatter would sound like.

Stewart: You like that?
Geddy: Yeah, um...ok, so--
Jimi: I really dig that beat, that feel, like an earthy African beat, inside the soul of a person.
Geddy: There was something fresh...about the way it was played.
Thom: I fucking hate it.
Stewart: Why?
Thom: It was a bit nauseating.
Stewart: Nauseating? Look, do you know what happens when you make rock music to lions? They hate music, completely philistines, the lions are; and since they don't appreciate music, you've got to surround the cage with hunks of meat so they when they charge towards you they look more photogenetic. It's a thrill.
Jimi: It's more spiritual than anything. The lions. Like an electric church, you know? -- where everyone is asleep; there's so many sleeping people, these young cats, you know? They forget about the music.
Geddy: Robert? You here with us?
Robert: Good evening. (Pause). I thought this was King Crimson.
Stewart: I'm not Bill Bruford.
Jimi: Greg Lake is a groovy dude.
Robert: In a sense, having committed myself, I would substantially prefer the anechoic chamber over the reverberation chamber acoustic research lab, because for me, art is the capacity to experience one's innocence. Craft is how you get to that point; maturity in a musician is the point at which one is innocent at will, and in which the music is direct and reliable.
Thom: That's fucking awful. Like the other side of a black hole. I'm quite a precious person (slaps himself sideways in the face, jokingly).
Stewart: Well, what would you suggest?
Thom: I just beam it. I haven't a fucking clue. It's just there. Beam it.


Master Cianan said...

so, uh, could you rate the music? How do these guys sound?

The Mad Hatter said...

Uh, Θ, bitch.

Master Cianan said...

My all star band is real simple. It'd be Tom Jones fronting Ween.